Damned and Divine

I think im going to apply for withdrawal from university studies with no academic penalty. I can submit an appeal before the finalization of results to be removed from my courses with no academic penalty and receive a mark of W (or withdrawal) that won’t affect my grade point average. Under the university code of appeal the following are grounds for acceptance:

• A serious health problem, or the onset of a chronic health problem since the cancellation of enrollment date, as evidenced by medical certificates.

• Evidence that the student is unable to cope with University level studies and is unable to meet the requirements of the course or of particular courses within the program

Given my past history of clinically diagnosed depression, im fairly certain my GP will understand (given that he was my doctor all through high school and understands what happens with me) and help my try and salvage this wasted year and try to make a fresh start. Until i learn to deal with this and/or figure out an acceptable medication scheme through trial and error, university is no place for me.

If i get my license on Tuesday, ill make an appointment with him and go there and explain my situation and my wishes for a new prescription of medication, and medical certification for my appeal. If i don’t get my license, ill have to try and explain the situation to my mother and get her to take me, i was going to try and talk to her tonight but i don’t think she’d understand. My family are of the ‘depression is all in your head’ persuassion (i guess in a way it is, but not in the way they think), and she would only see this as a cheap way out instead of just buckling down and studying like she expects of me. Also she blames me for the state of her marriage, she said she devoted all her time to me when i was going through rough times in the past and neglected my dad, i dont need to drop this on her lap just when she thinks she’s gotten rid of me. Like that is possible when i spend all day crying and hurting myself. Aside from that i’ve already failed Linguistics and Biology without taking the finals, and i need to get more than 90% on both my Anatomy exams to pass, as for Psychology i might as well forget about it and start afresh sometime in the future.

If my appeal isn’t accepted? Well, then i receive a mark of K (functionally 0) for my courses and my GPA is 0 meaning i have to start from the ground up with a diploma or something. I’ve fucked it all up, all those years of high school working my fucking ass into the ground to get my OP7 and now it means shit because i fucked it into the earth in one year.